Alright, its been seven years of having my natural hair and I’m officially like – now what?! I’ve established that it can grow, I know how to look after it, we’ve come to terms with each other and I know how to deal with it, now what?
I remember my excitement walking into a salon next door to my office years back, and the liberation I felt walking out with barely there hair. I remember the ease of standing under the shower in the morning, running a few products through my hair and going about my days. Using a curl sponge to achieve minimal curls and feeling a breeze on my scalp. I also remember my awkward phase (somewhere between having a teeny weeny afro but not having enough length to put my hair away in a bun).
In my more recent years, my challenges with my hair have morphed. The longer it gets, the more hectic my wash days are. Deep conditioning and giving it some TLC are less of a thing, because I try to shampoo, condition and detangle it within a similar time frame as what I would do to give it all the attention it needed way back when. I don’t have the time – and passion to sit down and do twists so that I can have beautiful intricate styles the next day. On days when I straighten it, I enjoy having my hair straight and mentally countdown to when I KNOW humidity will start to have it shrink right back up. I find myself steering clear of straight styles because of this actually – “what is the point?” I ask myself.
I find myself sitting in a dangerous territory where I binge watch YouTube videos on people who texlax their hair. Women who have their hair relaxed and the simplicity of waking up, combing through my hair from root to tip and just going. Pixie cuts (with relaxed hair in particular) look like so much fun. A really short hair cut (with natural hair) also really piques my interest. I fantasize about being able to change my uber short natural hair to something completely out of the box.
With this, I also feel guilty. For wanting to opt for things that are probably not healthy for my hair, or for me. For being an advocate for natural hair, but also having a low – key love hate relationship with my hair. I feel responsible knowing how many people I have inspired to go natural. It weighs down on me that I might be bailing out on them, after getting them onto this ship.
While I battle these feelings and decide on what the heck to do, I’m washing my hair and using “kinky like” extensions to do things that will keep it away for a week, possibly two if I can extend it. Anything to get me to my next wash day, and steer me away from opting for a chemical process.
I still do not know what the end point of all this will be, but I thought it would be fitting to write a post about it – I can’t be the only one who feels this way.
PPS: I’m working on straightening it and doing a length check for you guys.